twins

I am so tired of going to the store when I don't have hardly a cent to spend right now. Tyler doesn't understand, and keeps asking for things. I get tired of saying no, and I get tired of feeling awful when I buy things we need because we hardly have any money left, and I worry we will run out any minute.

I know that I'm going to get a job, it's just getting there. I am impatient and worried.

And I really, really want a bike. I'm thinking about charging it. It would be nice if the kids and I could all go biking to places we need to go together once Micke is back at work (he's on vacation) and I haven't found a job.

Micke and I took the kids to H & M to find some warmer clothes that fit for the kids as it is a little cooler here than we expected, and apparently rains and is windy a lot.

The kids each picked out four pairs of pants, a few shirts and a fall jacket.

The total for the clothes was 2,400 SEK. Tayler asked how much that was. I said, right now with the exchange rate that would be about $400, so the clothes better last.

And so far, the weather has been rainy and windy. I forget, we are close to the ocean.

I am noticing all sorts of little things that are different here. No refried beans for example. All "foreign" cars instead of American brands. I think I saw one Ford.

Yes, we are here safely. Micke picked us up at the airport and helped us with our luggage. Micke is very calm and reassuring.

Right now, Linnea and Tayler are naming things and exchanging the words in English and Swedish.

The flight took 7.5 hours, which was awesome but we didn't get much sleep.

We're about to board. I think I got most of the things done on my list. I lost the list though.

At the ticketing counter I started the cry. I called my brother and my parents and he didn't understand that they needed to meet me at the airport at 12 in order to say goodbye.

I cried until my luggage went through the x-ray machines.

It's just such an emotional thing.

Wednesday night the girls and I met their friends and their friends' families at La Hacienda Real, and had a fantastic meal. Not only did the waitress do separate checks for all families, and keep everything straight but the food was great and the company was wonderful.

These are parents from the school the twins go to, and they are amazing. Supportive, loving, great conversationalists, and most of all huggy. I was getting hugs all over the place.

The twins spent time with their friends, made several announcements, and Tyler saw a boy she really hoped would come to the party from outside the school community.

We are so lucky to have such warm and sincere families and their support here. If it doesn't work out in Sweden, I know they will welcome us with open arms.

After dinner we invited everyone to join us at Dairy Queen for ice cream. The twins just didn't want to say goodbye so sleepovers were arranged. Playdates were scheduled.

We are booked all the way to Monday when we take off for Sweden.

So I brought the twins to Newark to see Bill before we leave. They're at an indoor water park and I'm running errands.

Today is a busy day.

I've been thinking a lot today about our move.

Things are lining up very nicely and I am really looking forward to a fresh start in Sweden.

It's been so freeing to shed all of the stuff I just don't need, or can replace later if I do need it.

It's been overwhelming to see how much art and writing and pictures I have saved throughout the years.

It's also been happy and sad. I see things from Scott when we first started dating. I see things I wrote that I am surprised now to see how relevant it is.

I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach. I'm not sure how to describe it. It's familiar, like hunger.

Am I scared? Yes.

Is that going to stop me? No.

Since I am no longer employed and looking for a new job, I have been home with the kids for going on two days. Scott's been working late, so it's just been the three of us.

After a day and a half of spending time with the twins, today in the van, I felt like freaking out. I'm not used to being home. I'm not used to being interrupted so many times in the middle of a thought process or a conversation, or a lecture. I'm not used to the random thoughts that come to them, and things they share with me of little substance. (Mom, in x movie y said 'some quote.')

I felt like I was going to go right out of my mind as I was driving home from the orthodontist's office. I just wanted silence. Or just to listen to ONE SONG on the radio without being interrupted 5 times. The kids have been SO demanding and SO high maintenance the last two days.

And really, some ADULT CONVERSATION PLEASE! (Get your mind out of the gutter.)

Scott is upset with me presently, so there's no conversation going on there. I think I need out of the house.

When we picked Tyler up after getting Tayler, the kids were talking in the back of the van.

"Tayler, I never realized how pretty you are! You are so pretty!"

Operation Kid Free successful. Four days without kids commencing.