There's never enough / always too much.
The last three months have seemed too short, and too long - alternately. It also depends on what topic you're asking me about.
I think it's seemed too short when I think of all the things I wanted to do before I leave.
But it's too long when I think of how I feel each time I hug a friend and tell them that I hope to see them again someday soon. Hugs are so good, but saying farewell makes my heart ache.
Yesterday was completely wasted on my birthday. I had planned to do more.
Today, I didn't sleep in (much), and Tyler helped me (so much!) with the kitchen.
Only one fight in the house today. It was a bit brutal, but the twins are getting so big that it's hard to step in. Things settled down nicely after.
Sometimes I look at Tyler, and how far she has come- how much she has learned, how much she has done and seen, and how much she has DECIDED to BE and I am amazed.
I am amazed with Tyler and with Tayler.
I look at Tayler and how hilarious she is, quick witted, and friendly (though sometimes shy). Tyler is compassionate, never afraid to act silly, and really puts so much love into everything she does.
Not to mention how surprisingly intuitive, sensitive, and smart both girls are.
I am blessed to have them in my life. Every day I feel so lucky to spend time with them.
Ultimately, that is the most important thing during this time of transition. We are coming back to USA, and we are coming back together.
I can't think of anything better than being TOGETHER with them.
Wild and Crazed: The Healthcare Debate
It's amazing how heated and emotional everyone becomes about healthcare reform in the USA. Through a friend on twitter, I happened upon The Healthcare Blog. Yesterday, Maggie Mahar posted The Top Ten Immediate Benefits Americans Will Receive When Health Care Reform Passes.
I read the post, then read the comments there. I contributed a comment, and then thought I should expand on the idea here.
In my original comment, I said:
... It seems very simple to summarize each camp.
Humanitarians: who want to give everyone a chance at healthcare because they know people who are being left out who WANT it but can't afford it. This is noble, but others who don't understand problems with healthcare see this as a threat to their current situation.
Individualists: who want to only pay for their own healthcare. This is logical, but when stated it sounds incredibly selfish, because it's usually people who have a lot of money complaining about paying more.
Statisticians: who tell us that such and such a statistic proves that most people have insurance and are happy with healthcare as it is now.
There's more, I'm sure, but these are the most clear.
It's interesting to me, having spent two years abroad in Sweden where the healthcare is socialized. I can see the arguments all having merit.
I think it comes down to whether most people agree that there is a problem, and if they do, whether most people can agree on a solution.
There is so much being said, and insinuated and so many "facts" being thrown around willy nilly; the water seems pretty muddy at the moment.
From my perspective, it is a clear issue.
Putting aside the thoughts of cost for a moment, and focusing just on the issue of need:
- There are people who want insurance but can't afford it. They may have illness that makes the cost too expensive to start. They might have had insurance before, but were dropped due to illness or loss of work. Perhaps they cannot prove they have been covered by insurance prior to now to be eligible for their current employer's insurance.
- There are people who have insurance and are unhappy with what they have. They may have been denied coverage for treatment they need, or can't afford treatment they need because the cost of their insurance is so high.
- There are people who have insurance and are happy with what they have. They've never had any problems with their insurance or healthcare.
So we have two groups of people who are dissatisfied and want to change things, and one group that is not so sure about change being needed.
Putting aside the thoughts of need and focusing on the cost:
- There are people who can easily afford health insurance. It is an expense they can afford, whether it be a low one, or it be one that is provided or paid in part by their employer. They could be independently wealthy enough to pay premiums.
- There are people who can afford health insurance, but it is a significant cost for them. Insurance premiums continue to go up every year. These people are concerned what will happen in the future if premiums continue to go up, but their income doesn't go up to match it.
- There are people who can't afford health insurance. I think it's safe to say most of these people want insurance.
- There are people qualify for Medicare or Medicaid and that is their health insurance. They have income that is so low they qualify for it, or they are old enough to qualify for it.
So we have two groups- people who can afford it, and people who can't. There's one group that can't afford it, and can't get health insurance.
As far as solutions, there are as many out there as can be thought up, from plugging your ears and ignoring the world around you, to trying to change every aspect. There has to be a medium somewhere.
On Christmas Eve, when I heard the news about healthcare reform finally making progress, I got incredibly emotional and wrote a letter to President Obama. I was over excited, and I was prematurely congratulatory.
I can see now, that there is far to go, and there is much to do on the way. I think that most people can agree with that statement, at least.
Gyroscope
There's been a lot of juggling going on at home. I've been writing down thoughts to share later, and I hope I actually remember what the notes I wrote down mean when I have time to write in detail once we are all settled back in the States.
The kids and I have been reflecting on things we will miss, and things we are looking forward to, so I thought I would share a few things here:
Miss:
- Fun people from Sweden and around the world: Friends, family and acquaintances
- Mattias
- Absence of large billboards along highways
- Food safety
- Safety in general
- (Almost complete) Independence from cars
- Independence and safe travel that the kids can use without me driving them
- Low cost healthcare
- The Lund Pediatric Bipolar Team
- Easy recycling
Looking forward to:
- Family and friends back home
- A "bad for you" breakfast from McDonalds
- Replacing/restocking our wardrobes: the kids need clothes of all kinds, and I need PANTS!
- Less choice in clothing stores so we can actually make decisions
- More choice in grocery stores so we can get the things we want
- Grocery shopping less often
- Free carts at the store!
- Diversity
- Back to business as usual in the working environment
- Seeing USA with new eyes
Beautiful People
I haven't been writing a lot lately (or at all), and I keep waiting for a moment when I can summarize everything. Priorities!
Every time I have a moment where I might have time to write, there's something else to do that is more important. Or something happening.
Last night, the Meetup Group had a farewell party for me. The theme was All American, and everyone donned their red white and blue. When I came into the room, I was struck by several things.
First, was just how beautiful the people in the group are, and second, how lovely the party setup and location was, and third, how completely uncomfortable I felt at the idea that all of this had been arranged for me.
It was such a lovely night. I wish I would have taken more pictures. Luckily, there were some gorgeous pictures taken by other people at the party.
So much has been happening, and so much has been going on in my head that I want to write down, but time is moving against me- and as more significant observations come to me, I feel like I will never catch up.
I've had a mounting feeling for a while now that I have changed so much. The differences in me that I am seeing, between when the girls and I arrived and now, it's nothing short of amazing all of the things I have realized about myself- good things and bad. There is so much I want to change, and so much I want to hold onto.
Outwardly, I have let myself go. Inwardly, I have grown, and changed, and become as comfortable with who I am as a person more than I have ever been. I see myself. I see other people seeing me. I see I need to change. I see I need to hold on to the good things that I value in myself.
The most important thing to note right at this moment, is how thankful I am for all of the Internationals I know here in Malmö, Skåne, and Copenhagen. Each one of them is so unique and so wonderful to know. I feel so honored (almost embarrassed) to have been celebrated yesterday.
And amidst all this work to do here at home to get ready for our trip back to USA, I want to make a special effort to spend time with these people before I go. Because it will be a while before I see them again.
I love these people. I'm so lucky that so many of them love me back.
Saying Goodbye in Style
My awesome organizers from the Malmö Internationals group are throwing me a going away party. It's such an wonderful thing for them to do, and I am so thankful.
These guys dedicate time, energy, and resources to making the Malmö Internationals group a very active and successful group- and I could never have grown the group the way it has grown without their dedication!
Let it snow! Or not...
It's no secret that I love snow. I love lots of snow, enough to go sledding in and make igloos with the kids.
But it never snows in Skåne. At least not very often. Last year, it dusted once or twice, but for the most part it just rained and the wind blew.
It's a bit annoying that now that I am out in the country, it's been snowing on and off for months.
Not that I don't love the snow, but I hate the fact that way out here, no one plows the roads.
Everyone in town has clear roads, while we have ice and snow still.
Too bad, so sad. Sincerely, the U.S. government
I wrote to the U.S. Embassy last night to request assistance getting home. Things just keep getting worse here, and there's no way I am going to find money to afford tickets home by April, but the longer I stay the worse it will be.
I explained that I needed to get home, and that I had a place to stay until I found employment when I got there. I explained I had two daughters, how long we have been here, and our desire to come home to the U.S..
Here's their response:
Dear Sir/Madam:
A Bittersweet Return
While I was born in Norrköping, Sweden, I lived almost all of my life in the United States. I lived in Sweden just under a year when my Swedish father and American mother split up after years of marriage and living in Sweden. I went with my mother.
Growing up was vastly different than you might think. People frequently ask why I never learned Swedish as a child.
Coffee and Cigarettes
Actually, no cigarettes, but definitely coffee this evening, and now I am wide awake. I'm entirely too sensitive to caffeine, and these crazy Swedes drink coffee day or night!
So it's 1 AM and I have to do laundry like a fool tomorrow.
Also, I sprang for a bike today. My boots just aren't made for walkin' long distances (actually it's my feet because of the neuromas I have) so I decided that I would really benefit from a bike to feel some more autonomy and be able to get places. And it would be convenient if the girls and I could all ride our bikes together somewhere, which we may have to do because the person numbers did not come today and we need to get Swedish IDs going as soon as we get those things.
The bike is nice. White, with a built in tire lock and a great big basket for stuff. It has splash guards and a front light on it that is activated while you pedal. Not that I'm going to do much riding in the dark, but I thought it was pretty cool. It cost double what it would cost in the States, and it was on sale but I really think I will use it, and really think it will be worth it in the end.
Micke is back to work tomorrow so I will be on my own while the kids are at school for the first time since I arrived in Sweden.
I do laundry at 8. You know what? I really hate scheduling laundry day and then having to get it all done in 3-4 hours. It makes me insane. I spend the whole time running up and down the stairs, throwing clothes from washer to dryer or to the drying room (don't know what that is? ask). It screws with my nerves.
I don't want an apartment that has to share a laundry room like Micke and Helena's apartment, but beggars can't be choosers... so I suppose I get what I get. There are a lot of people wanting to get into apartments here and because of the time you have to give notice to leave an apartment, none will be available until November or December, unless I go through a private renter.
Also, since I will be home I get to take their German Shepherd out at lunch time. Wheee! Actually, it's nice to go for a short walk with her, as long as she isn't pulling like a crazy dog.
I get what people mean about it not being so cold here right now, finally. When I walked to the bank today I decided, for once, not to wear a jacket OR jeans and to just go in a sleeveless top and cropped pants.
The reason why people don't think it's cold here is this: they're so active they keep warm! I wasn't cold at all even with the wind blowing as I walked to the bank. And for the first time, I didn't sweat unbearably underneath a jacket.
A few other observations.
- People are still wearing shorts here but it's in the 50s/60s or perhaps warmer but the wind makes every day seem cooler than it really is.
- You see way more elderly people up and about here than in the States.
- People tend to walk right into you here. I'll be walking, and I see someone else approaching and of course they want to walk where I'm walking. I have to control the urge to quote Duston Hoffman in Midnight Cowboy: "I'm WALKING HERE!"
- Bikes EVERYWHERE. And bike parking, and bike lanes, and every bike comes with a bell. Rawk!
- Swedes are not very friendly off the bat, unless they've had a glass of wine.
- Customer service (from government agencies) rocks here. I've yet to meet or talk to someone who has been grouchy. I say thank you, and express my appreciation for their kindness and they say it's their job! Can you imagine someone saying that in the U.S.?
- People are more fit here. *shrug* I think it's the food and lifestyle.
This is turning out to be a long post. I can't think of anything else to add though. I'll post more pictures soon!
